There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
