I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
