Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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