toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
