I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
