If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
