sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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