Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
