He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize