He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
two words...techno handjob
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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