He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
