we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The air taste purple.
Randomize
