hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
