The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
