Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
