I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
