I am puke
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
