i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize