Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
