You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
