She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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