i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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