Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize