I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
