FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
