Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
