I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
