i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
