Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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