You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize