My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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