My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
