i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
