They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
