oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
