hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
