margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
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