bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Barsexuality is the new black.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
