i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
