Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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