Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
