I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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