I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
