it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
