Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
