Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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