dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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