Do you still have your period?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
