Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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