Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize