hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
