I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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