..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
