one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
