when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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