would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
