I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
