i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
