Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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