and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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