just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
