Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
