Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
