I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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