if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
