singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
