There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
